Happy Valentine’s Day to My Imperfect Husband

So, it’s Valentine’s Day, or as my friend, fellow military spouse, and blogger said in her post today…it is Tuesday. (You can read the whole thing here. She’s a great writer….but don’t leave me just yet, you can come back and click on her in a few.)  My husband and I gave up on the whole Valentine’s Day thing a couple of years ago (“Don’t buy me ANYTHING for Valentine’s Day“).  Apparently after knowing each other almost half of our lives, we still really stink at buying each other gifts.  And after spending the better part of my college years as a waitress, the very last place you will find me on this Holiday of Love is a restaurant.  Besides, at 34 weeks pregnant, my idea of the perfect romantic gesture is my husband using the tennis ball to massage my sciatic nerve.  And as I told you in a post last week, he already bought me a gift better than a diamond ring…a Gopher. One of the things my husband really loves about me is that I am cheap and easy…and no that is not an insult around here.  So Morgan will receive her annual box of chocolates, we will eat dinner at home, and if I am really lucky my husband will whip out the tennis ball. *swoon*

But just because I could care less about this manufactured holiday, doesn’t mean that I am not in some way moved by all the romance and glitter around every corner.  This year the mix of red candy hearts, jewelry commercials, and pregnancy hormones have caused me to reflect on why I am still very much in love with my husband, after 12 years.  Bless his heart, he has been more than patient with me as of late.  Every minute of every day seems to be consumed with concern over my pregnancy, or me whining about my enormous belly and all the aches and pains.  I keep telling him that one day he will have his wife back…but he seems a bit skeptical.  So today I thought I would give him the gift of bragging on him in the blog-o-sphere by sharing with you,

The Top 5 Reasons I am Still Happily Married to My Husband

5) He is far from perfect…thank God!  Wow, I really know how to brag on my man don’t I?  But seriously, I cannot imagine being married to Mr. Perfect (or someone who thinks he is) and having to live with that kind of pressure on a daily basis.  Mrs. Perfect is not a title you will ever catch my husband calling me either, and this is fine with me.  Housekeeping is something I fail at on a regular basis, my cooking skills will not ever win me an award, I talk entirely too much, and can be pretty bossy at times.  My husband knows all of this about me, and still loves me.  That’s pretty awesome.  And I love him despite all his many flaws, which I will not be divulging here.  For all my inadequacies, I don’t intend on adding “airing my husband’s dirty skivvies” to the list.  I have too much respect for him to tell the entire internet that I still can’t get him to put the toilet seat back down.  Oops.

4) He would do anything, for anyone, at anytime.  If you need something moved, something fixed, or a ride to the airport…my husband is probably the one to call.  This on occasion will drive me insane because it means that he is not here to do something for MEEE.  Yes, being selfish with my husband is another one of my stellar qualities. But if I am being honest, I really love this quality about him.  You can depend on him to do something if he said he will.  He is always on time, loyal to a fault, and has a great work ethic.  He is, honestly, one of the good guys. 

3) His service to our country.  I know it may seem obvious and cliché for me to talk about this, but it is the truth.  I am incredibly proud of his career as a United States Marine.  He has served his country honorably and is good at what he does. When he got out of the Marine Corps after his first enlistment and returned to civilian life, he was miserable.  Why?  Because he said that it seemed like he was no longer doing anything important.  He had done something with meaning for 4 years, and working a “regular” job seemed empty to him.  The 12 years that followed his re-enlistment have been challenging, no question.  But he has been where he belonged for those years.  He probably doesn’t know this, but I have chosen to spend a great deal of my prime career years in service of others because of the example he has set.  It hasn’t made us rich, but it has made me a better, happier person.

2) He is a wonderful Father.  And really, is there anything in this world more attractive on a man than being a good Dad?  Not in my book.  I was recently telling him about a Dr. Phil episode featuring teenage girls who were pregnant and had very troubled relationships with their mothers.  At one point in the conversation he said, “And let me guess…there are no fathers in these girls’ lives, right?”  Morgan is a lucky girl.  Her Dad adores her, is actively involved in her life, and would do anything for her.  And as long as it took both of us to adjust to the concept of being parents again, I can already see that twinkle in his eye when he talks about being ready for Emma to get here.  Just like Morgan, he will be smitten with her immediately.  He still would rather gouge his eyes out than have a conversation about menstruation, but despite all the wishes for a boy…he is simply crazy about his girls.

1)  We have almost nothing in common…except the really important stuff.  Some friends of mine have been planning an outdoor retreat that involves 3-4 days of hiking and camping in the wilderness this summer.  They want me to join them.  They are, of course, asking in vain because they know me.  For years and years my husband would beg me to go on camping trips.  I did go on a few with his family, with the understanding that the only reason I was attending was because of the presence of a camper and nice bath house.  This chic does not do outdoors.  My husband loves it.  He adores fishing and being on a boat for hours.  I enjoy being in a boat for 30 minutes…but the minute I have to tinkle I am not longer excited.  After one unfortunate incident involving peeing in the woods and getting chiggers in alllll the right places, I do not potty outdoors.  My idea of a fun evening would be seeing a Broadway play, or the Symphony, or a Marching Band Concert.  My husband would rather have a talk about menstruation with our daughter.  Our tastes in music are vastly different, we can rarely agree on a TV show to watch, and we almost never have the same sense of humor.  But we are in 100% agreement about some really important stuff.

We decided a long time ago, that I should stay at home instead of work full-time.  We wanted to give Morgan (and now Emma) the gift of time with one parent, since we knew that Dad would be gone because of his job frequently.  It has been the right choice for our family.  I have worked part-time off and on throughout the years, and yes Morgan was in preschool and had babysitters because Mom needed to have volunteer work, etc. in her life to balance things out.  I am very thankful that I have been able to do this, and love my husband for being on the same page about this.  I do anticipate working on a more full-time basis after Emma is born, but we are now in a position where I can work from home and hire in-home care.  For our family, this is the perfect fit.

Because we decided to rely mostly on my husband’s income for all of these years, we had to be on the same page where money was concerned.  Sure, we have had our fights about finances over the years, but our basic philosophy is the same.  Neither one of us is interested in always having the newest electronics.  Used cars are fine with us, and we don’t mind driving them until they have 200,000 miles on them as long as they are safe.  Used furniture, clothing, and other items are perfectly acceptable as long as they are clean.  When we dream about our perfect home, the top things on our list are a spacious backyard, swimming pool, 4 bedrooms, and a good school district.  As we have both gotten older, we have become even more frugal and content with not having the latest and greatest things.  We choose to spend our extra money on travel because experiences and time spent are more important to us than having a new car every 2 years.

And lastly, we agree on how to parent our child, 90% of the time.  For as long as he has known me, Joey has known that I am adamantly opposed to allowing our child to ride on, be around, or use ATV’s…ever.  He does not agree, because he grew up around them.  But even though sometimes we have gotten into arguments about this subject, I know that at the end of the day he respects me enough to let me have this issue.  But 90% of the time we are in agreement on some very basic parenting values.  Children should not be given everything.  They should be expected to help out around the house.  Bullying other people, being disrespectful to adults, and acting like the world revolves around you…are behaviors that will not be tolerated. 

Current divorce rates in our country are around 50% these days…and that makes me sad.  We live in a culture where I believe so many people just give up on their marriages because the romance is gone, or they have “grown apart”, or things have gotten hard.  Maybe that’s why I really just don’t like Valentine’s Day.  I think it perpetuates this notion that true-love is about big gestures, gifts and romance.  It just isn’t the case.  True-love is being committed to someone who on occasion drives you insane and who is committed to you despite the fact that you can’t cook to save your soul.  It is about finding some common ground that really matters, and letting go of the stuff that really is not important.  It’s about finding the good qualities in your partner, really respecting those things, and letting go of any thoughts that you need to change the imperfections. And it’s about realizing that the grass is only greener on the other side for the first 15 minutes…then the weeds start popping up over there as well. 

Happy Valentine’s Day to my handsome, flawed, amazing, and imperfect husband.  I love you.

Many Kind Regards,

Erin

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